Address at Bob Hearn's 65th birthday

In rural Ontario the address was a traditional feature of many public presentations. While it could take the form of a narrative, the address was often a humorous poem, written in simple rhyme and filled with insider jokes and references which poked fun, in a gentle way, at the recipient. The address was intended to be read out loud with all the dramatic pauses and gestures needed to make the jokes work. When someone was leaving the community, or when there was an important birthday or other social occasion where a gift was being presented, someone had to write and to read the 'address'. The address, along with a gift was then presented to the person being honoured. Like the fiddle player, the address writer fulfilled a respected and essential role in the community. Aunie Aitcheson in Avonton, and George Kerr in Dickson's Corners were such people. Gordon was also a good address writer. When Lois' father Bob Hearn reached his 65th birthday, his children decided to have a celebration at the farm and to give him a watch as a present. Here is the address which was written and read by Gordon on the evening of January 11 1952. The address was saved, and after Bob died it was given to Roberta by Jean, who was Bob's second wife. The address is in Lois' handwriting but I have typed it out to make it easier to read. I have also added in italics a few explanatory notes. (Remember double click on the image to enlarge it.)

Saga of a Sourdough

There lived in Downie Township
A man named Bobby Hearn
Who, though not large in stature
Had energy to burn.

At all the rural dances
He'd cavort with all his might
Though often he was reinforced
By a shot of Black and White.
(Bob Hearn was known to enjoy a drink of whiskey)

But regardless of the weather
He'd sell his load of bread
His open sled being drawn
By fleet-footed Tops and Ted.
(Tops and Ted are names of his horses)

He was noted for being able
To buck the drifts of snow
And always brought his products
When other bakers feared to go.

So, not heeding the low temperatures
He was always on the job
Old Sam beside the fire would cry
Lil, My God, here's Bob.
(The Sam and Lil here are the Hermans. Bob Hearn stopped there for lunch)

One reason why this ball of fire
Had never hit the skids
Was that a home were waiting
A flock of seven kids
(He and Mae had seven children: Lyle, Lois, Kelly, Ivan, Don, Vic, Roberta)

Uncle Lyle the oldest
Was able without fail
To do extensive damage
To a bottle of ginger ale.
(Lyle, the slow-learning eldest son, loved ginger ale)

Lois, the older daughter
One of her father's joys
Was by coy looks and glances
A favourite of local boys

One of her early lovers
Was a chap named Jimmy Payton
But a few brief words from Bobby
And the couple quit their datin

The second boy little Kelly
Who was his daddy's dear
Was being groomed by all the relatives
To be an auctioneer
(Kelly was the businessman. Even as a child Lois remembers Kelly as always have something to sell or trade.)

Now Ivan was the tidy one
To work he was not lax
He thought he could boss the others
Till Lyle chased him with the axe
(There is a story in the family of the others teasing Lyle to the point where he took after Ivan with an axe)

Don and Maggie Hepburn
Used to dance around the table
Until one night our Maggie
Blew him half way to the stable
(After Mae died Maggie Hepburn came to look after the children. I believe this story is based on an incident in which flatulence was involved.)

Then our little Victor
With the Puschelbergs did chum
He never will be lonely
For he'll always have this thumb
(Vic sucked his thumb well into adulthood)

The wee-est child Roberta
Should have been a goodly lass
For Victor, systematically
Would spank her little _____ (hands)

To bolster the family budget
Bob sold the occasional car
And in his selling missions
He roamed both near and far

One day this smooth talking salesman
Received a red hot tip
And in his Ford product
To the Goderich road did whip
(Bob Hearn's second wife lived on the Goderich Road which runs between Stratford and Goderich through Sebringville and Mitchell.)

The customer was prone to buy
But she had poor Bobby guessin
For in her life she'd never had
A single driving lesson
(I believe that Jean who was in her 30's at this time, had inherited some money and decide to buy a car but she had never learned to drive.)

Twas then our Bob became enmeshed
For she had trouble with the wheel
To keep the car upon the road
Around her waist he'd steal --

His arm -- to steady her
But there he met his doom
For she was wearing just by chance
A subtle, sweet perfume.

Poor Bobby got a dreamy look
Towards Jean he began to hitch
But in the next split second
They were bouncing down the ditch
(Bob did meet Jean while giving her driving lessons)

Fence wires snapped before them
As Bob began to pray
But they ended up quite comfortably
In Jack Campbell's field of hay
(Jack Campbell was Jean's father with whom she lived)

Well Bobby sold the auto
But the transaction grew
Before he was finished
He had sold himself too

Bob and Jean were married
But Robert was not whipped
For Doug and Jack are proof you know
He had not completely slipped.

This is your celebration
So amid our shouts and cheers
We fondly hope that you may live
Another 100 years.

Now folks we wish to say to you
Myself and all the rest
It is our fondest hope that you
May have from life -- the best.

This token we do now present
From those assembled here
May it remind you of us all
Who hold you very dear.